Dear Charlotte Lee,
Congratulations— you’ve just taken your first step into a darker world, one devoid of the indignity of humiliating delusions; one that unleashes the liberating power of lowered expectations.
In short, your account for Despair, Inc. is now active!
The next time you shop with us at Despair, Inc. , you can save time at checkout by logging into your account. This will prefill your address information at the checkout, and basically help us expedite the process of crushing your dreams while enriching ourselves. It’s the ultimate Win / Win scenario!
Thank you, and remember, whenever you need a Cure For Hope, Despair, Inc. has got your back. (Unless your lack of hope stems from maxed-out credit cards.)