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Coffee Crystal
photo by Vic Eichler
Cravings by D. Allen


Me at

Month 7, 2020

What are the reasons for Hope?
From My Colleague,
Evan Rapoport

Photo is also Evan and very large friends


That is a great question. Thank you. I struggle with this one all the time and ultimately am needing to hold conflicting beliefs rather than resolve them into one...

There is no reason for hope. Everything that can be lost will be lost. Life is suffering. Nobody gets out of here alive. We''re each an irrelevant speck of stardust in an infinite universe living for an insignificant blip of time. Nothing we do matters. Hope is for ignorant fools.

Paradoxically, accepting a reality without hope is humbling, a path to freedom and internal peace, and a path to hope. Acceptance turns ignorant fools into Sacred Fools. From this place, I release myself from the obligation to save the world and the childish, narcissistic belief that I can. I release myself from self-criticism for not being perfect in every moment. I awaken from being enslaved by the stories of my mind and the insidiousness of my ego. I remember the inescapable suffering I went through while I was asleep, living a completely unconscious life that was frequently hurting myself and those I loved. I remind myself that I will fall back asleep over and over, but that I''m grateful to now have some tools and self-love to hopefully reawaken again and again.

In this place, I finally trust that I have the internal strength to help others without it draining my life force, because I am not obligated to do so. I recognize that the suffering that living beings experience is real and does matter to them and to those they love, even if it might not matter in the grand scheme of the universe. I recognize that many people are still asleep, repeating the same nightmares day after day without being aware of the way out. So, I appreciate that anything I can do, however small, to bring more love and light into their lives is a gift and a worthy purpose for my life.

In this place, I find I have reasons for hope again. I hope I can cultivate joy and love and peace in my life. I hope I can bring joy and love and peace into other people''s lives. I hope and have faith that I will continue to love my family and feel their love for me, even after they die. I hope that if I have children, I will be a good father and share all that I''ve learned from those before me. I hope I can pass on the gifts of my teachers to honor them, and in turn honor all their teachers. I hope I can feel awe and wonder of the miracle of all creation, whether I am standing in front of a great landscape or lying down with my eyes closed. 

I remind myself that having hope does mean holding the belief that we can save something by preventing it from suffering for all eternity. With that definition, there is no hope for lions or sharks or rainforests or humanity or Earth or the universe. Everything that can be lost will be lost, as far as I know.

So, I hope I can keep alive the bit of faith in me that there is some benevolent force connecting us all, a force that is more loving and compassionate and beautiful than I could ever comprehend in this lifetime.

I have hope that whatever happens as our climate changes, we will adapt. Life will evolve. It always has. The miracle of each new generation is that it starts with a new baseline, with a new hope for a better future, even as older people cling to what has already been lost. I have hope that the last lion will still bring us joy and that she will be loved and appreciated and mourned, even after she takes the last breath for her species. 

I have hope that no matter how much is lost, as long as there is something to protect and love, people will find purpose in protecting it and feel joy in loving it, exactly as we do today.


A journey for women into the heart of the Earth and our Love for Her
With Deb, permaculturists Anne Freiwald and Lydia Neilsen of Vitalcycles, and Dr. Judith Schmidt, depth psychologist and dreamer.

From Lydia and Anne:

How do we intentionally design our lives and  landscapes in balance with natural and human  cycles to create thriving selves, families, and  communities in a vibrant, natural world?

How do we intentionally design our lives and  landscapes in balance with natural and human  cycles to create thriving selves, families, and  communities in a vibrant, natural world?

In our best dream, we would be together in person. If not, we are committed to a creative and innovative use of the time together using the arts, inner work, conversation and dynamic illustrations and film...

Please join me at  - register at this link

At the monthly fellowship led by Pastor Delores Burgess and her husband Pastor Gary Burgess. All faiths welcome for building community and uplift. Delores is the founder of Triaction Life Center,  a faith-based community that includes the arts as one of our pathways to wholeness. She is the co-director of Fire in the Heart and one of my favorite humans on planet.

Next fellowship October 18,  
8 am PST, 11 am EST
Love, Deb

photo below Curtain call Fire in the Heart Kansas City 2019
Surviving and Growing 2020
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