Mel Robbins Sign Up Information

Hey Jenny samuel,

Remember me? It's your long lost friend, Mel Robbins.

I know, it's been a while. Technically, it's been more than a while since I wrote a personal letter to you. I'm a little embarrassed to tell you how long it's been. I couldn't remember, so I checked.?

It's been almost twelve months since I've written. Holy cannoli.?

I'm not here to make excuses but this past year has kicked my a$$. Yes, there''ve been some incredible blessings to this pandemic (like the five months we got to spend with our kids) but... whoa. And given that we are still IN IT, and we're bracing for winter, I wanted to write to you about something.?

I keep hearing people say that they can't wait for life to "go back to normal." If you've been saying that to yourself, stop. This IS the new normal. And when you think about your old life, some things aren't worth going back to.?

There's only 74 days left in 2020. When the clock strikes midnight on New Years Eve and it's suddenly 2021, nothing in your life will be different unless you MAKE it different. Waiting for life "to go back" keeps your life in a suspended state, treading water, going through the motions, stuck between your old life and the new one you have yet to create for yourself.?

That's why I'm writing. These past few months, I've felt really stuck. That's one reason why I've been so quiet. I've been using this time to rethink the rules of joy and fulfillment for myself. I am still deep in the personal discovery process, but I thought you might be interested in the three things I'm doing that I'm finding super helpful:

1. Go on a "listening tour."

One reason why you feel stuck is because you are trying to change your life on your own. Stop that by reaching out to five people you admire and ask for their advice.?

Over the past few months, I've created my own version of a listening tour. Almost every day, I spend time on the phone with someone I respect. On these calls, I've been sharing openly about what I am facing in my life and career and how I'm feeling. These conversations have been transformative because the people around you can often see clearly what you can not. And when you learn that many of the people you respect and admire have experienced what you're going through, you won't feel like such an idiot.

No one has given me the answers-only I can discover those for myself. But these conversations have shaken the dirt loose, knocked me back onto my feet, and gotten my mind thinking in all kinds of new and exciting ways.?

So far, these are my biggest takeaways from these conversations: I am not alone in the struggles I'm facing, I've been shocked by how small I've been playing and by how hard I've been on myself, and I've made very predictable and more importantly, fixable mistakes as a business owner. I've also come to realize just how isolated I am and need to make a major change in how I schedule my time.

Because of this "listening tour," I no longer see reinvention as a gigantic pain in the ass. I am exhilarated by the possibility of what I could create next. That''s why I want you to find five people (anyone you trust) and start talking. The moment you do, you'll start to feel things shake loose, and you'll feel ideas expanding in your mind and something stirring again in your heart.?

Next, be deliberate about the parts of your old life that you want to leave in the past.

2. Be honest about what parts of your life aren't working.

Another reason why you're stuck is you're still clinging to what you know. We all do it. Human beings are built that way. It's time to shake things up. What about your life (either now or pre-quarantine) made you frustrated or stressed??

For me, it was the pace of my life. For the past six years, I've been running at a breakneck pace and I don't want to do it anymore. I've missed my family and friends. I've worked myself into the ground. It's not the life I want. It doesn't align with what I value. I know that I need to work differently, but before the pandemic it seemed impossible to slow down. Now that I've gotten a taste of a new routine, I do not want to go back to my old frenetic one.?

I've also realized that I've created a lot of my success in chaos by saying yes to way too many things. It's made me reactive instead of strategic. And it's been driven by fear, not creativity. I don't want to do that anymore either. Basically, when I think about changing up my routines, I see enormous opportunity to change everything.?

Here's how you start: just change one thing about your routine. Me? I've committed to saying 'No' to absolutely every new project until 2021. I'm forcing myself to complete everything on my plate and stay quiet and still. It's not how I normally do things and it makes me feel anxious to not be racing forward...but I am seeing myself change. And that's a good thing.

And that's why you need to be talking to at least five people you trust during this process. The conversations will ground you. You won't feel overwhelmed by all this new insight, you'll feel excited. You'll feel things start to move and expand. Once you start shaking that dirt loose and thinking big again, you're ready for the next step.?

3. Ask yourself this one question over and over.?

Another reason why you're stuck? You're not being honest about what you truly want. That's why you need to ask yourself this question over and over. It's the most important question you could ever ask yourself and surprisingly hard to answer honestly:
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"What do you want your life to look like?"

I am telling you to ask it over and over because it will take time for you to be honest with yourself. In the beginning, your excuses will edit the answer. Your fears will shrink your ability to dream.?

This is the part of reinvention that''s hard. You must throw out what you know to create something new. We cling to certainty. That's why it's exhilarating and terrifying to allow yourself to dream of something unknown. I've been asking myself that question since March. I still don't have the full answer but I have gotten clear about some things.

In the stillness that the pandemic created, Chris and I have realized we want to change our lifestyle. We've been wanting to shake things up for a while. We've been talking about it for a few years. And we've been waiting. Waiting for the kids to be older. Waiting to have a better runway financially. Waiting for my career to slow down. Waiting until we have "more time."?

Waiting has been killing our dreams. It's put us into a mode of just going through the motions (albeit at a breakneck pace). I bet waiting for the right time has been killing your dreams too. You're waiting because you're scared. We all are.?

So, I'll come back to the question:
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"What do you want your life to look like?"

The answer for us has come over the course of five months. I want my life to feel slower and more vacation-like. I want to live in a place where I can step out my door and be in the mountains or at the beach. I want to ski, hike, swim, and fish in my free time. I want to spend more time with my family and friends. I want to hang out with people who've made similar lifestyle choices. I want to work from a studio in my home so that I have no commute. I want to spend more time creating content and less time flying places to speak about it. I want to collaborate with experts all over the world.?

So...Chris and I have decided (as a first step) to shake things up and move to Southern Vermont for our son to go to high school. It sounds exciting and it is. And it's also terrifying. We're leaving the community where we raised our kids for 23 years to create something brand new. And here's a warning..just because you want to change, and are excited by it, doesn't mean it'll feel easy at first. It might even feel terrifying.?

Chris keeps saying "It'll take a year, it'll take a year." And what he means by that is it'll take a year before the new normal feels, well, normal. I've found it to be a calming mantra when I feel nervous, which is almost every waking hour. I seem to be the only one in our family who is. Most days, the anxiety rises but only lasts a few minutes-a few deep breaths, a soak in the tub, or a walk outside usually does the trick.?

Even though this change is overwhelming, I know deep down it is exactly what I need for the next few years, particularly for the amount of writing and creating I want to do. This letter is just the beginning of what is to come. I can hear an owl hooting (is that what it's called?!) in the woods as I write this letter to you. ??

You don't need to move to experience major change. When you change any part of your life, it shakes something loose inside of you. Chris is more present and relaxed than I've ever seen him. And our son Oakley is happier and more creative than I've ever witnessed. For example, for years he's talked about launching a video game streaming account. Look at this text he just sent me:

Imagine what might shake loose inside of you if you find the clarity and courage to change things up right now.?

One more warning: as you allow yourself to dream about ?"what's next," watch out for all the obstacles that will pop into your mind. Swat those fears away by saying, "Of course I can." Keep thinking about what you WANT your life to look like. Here's how I've been beating my own fears:

Can I build a digital media company in a town of 1,943? Of course I can.?

Can I create new deep and meaningful relationships at the age of 52? Of?course I can.?

Can I wake up, climb a peak, and be back at my desk for a business meeting with Audible by 9 AM? Of course I can. In fact, here's Chris and I on the top of Haystack Mountain last week.?

I can do anything I put the work into creating. And, I can ride the wave of fear that comes with it. You can do anything you put your mind and heart into, too. When your vision for your life aligns with your dreams and your values, it'll work out. It always does. It will take time. It will take work. But it will work out. You just have to start.?

So, I'll come back to the question:
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"What do you want your life to look like?"

This week, allow yourself to DREAM again. You need to be dreaming now more than ever. Your dreams pull you out of this fog and give you something to look forward to.?

If you feel like it, hit reply. I'd love to read your answers to that question. And please let me know how I can support you in creating it.?

I've missed you. Look forward to hearing from you and staying more connected.?

Talk to you next week.