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You’ve recently become a member of a club that no one wants to join: those who have lost a loved one. We’re here to help you remember that you are not alone. In fact, Judaism has a wealth of traditions developed to help people get through this time. 

One of those traditions is shiva, the seven-day mourning period after the funeral.

Six Questions About Shiva

1.
What is shiva?

Shiva is a period of mourning that generally lasts seven days, starting when mourners return home from a funeral. During shiva, a mourner traditionally stays at home or at the home of the deceased, wears torn clothing or a torn black ribbon pinned to one’s clothes and doesn’t go to work or school.

2.
When should I sit shiva and for whom?

Shiva begins immediately after the funeral. Traditionally, a mourner sits shiva for a parent, sibling, child or spouse.

3.
How long does shiva last?

Shiva is the Hebrew word for “seven,” and shiva traditionally lasts seven days. Some families sit shiva for shorter periods of time, however. For certain Jewish holidays or Shabbat, there are restrictions on sitting shiva. 

4.
What should I do during shiva?

If you're a mourner, it's traditional to recite the Mourner's Kaddish at prayer services conducted three times a day during shiva. Mourners sit on low seats and receive guests, talk about their loved ones who have died, keep a yahrtzeit candle burning and refrain from certain activities like wearing leather, shaving or looking in a mirror. If you're a friend or family member, it's helpful to visit mourners during shiva and provide food and comfort.

5.
What do I say to a mourner?

During shiva, the mourner gets to decide whether or not to initiate conversation. As Rabbi Sari Laufer writes, "The rules and traditions of Jewish mourning tell us that we — the comforters — do not get to set the mode and the tone. It is the bereaved who can tell you if and what he needs to share, or when she wants to cry or laugh."

6.
How does shiva end?

The traditional end of shiva occurs on the seventh day of mourning. One common end-of-shiva practice today is for the mourner literally to “get up from shiva.” The mourners rise from the low seats they've been sitting on and go for a walk, or for an easy outing.

At the end of shiva, mourners who have not been wearing leather shoes now put on regular shoes, remove the torn clothing or torn cloth worn during shiva and re-engage with the world outside their home.

7.
What happens after shiva?

The next phase of mourning is called sheloshim (pronounced shlo-SHEEM), Hebrew for thirty, and it ends thirty days after burial. Sheloshim is less restrictive than shiva. Mourners can go out, work and perform other everyday activities. 

Whether you're sitting shiva or doing your best to support a friend in mourning, experiencing shiva traditions can help you feel comforted and part of a community during a difficult time.

Look out for our next email, where we’ll explore the Mourner’s Kaddish in greater detail.

Do you know someone else who might find this email series helpful? Encourage them to sign up here.

We are so sorry for your loss.

Mourning is never easy. Generations of people have found comfort in Judaism's many rituals and traditions for coping with loss.

Over the next few days and weeks, we’ll help guide you through these customs, sharing with you what happens before and at a Jewish funeral, how to sit shiva — the seven days of mourning — and what prayers are traditionally said for loved ones. You can also explore how Judaism has grappled with big issues, like why bad things happen to good people and what happens to us after we die.

Thank you for inviting us to join you on this important journey. If you have questions along the way, feel free to ask them in our discussion group on Facebook.

As we traditionally say, “Ha’makom yenahem etkhem betokh she’ar avelei Tziyon vi’Yerushalayim,”  which is Hebrew for, “May God console you together with everyone who mourns for Zion and Jerusalem.”

A Timeline of Mourning

Learn the important dates in the journey through the first year of mourning. 

Jewish tradition defines several stages in the process of mourning.

• Day 1: Funeral
• Day 7: Last day of shiva
• Day 30: Last day of 30-day mourning period

A Rite of Passage Immediately After a Death 

The time between death and burial is an important transition. Jews bury their dead quickly not just as a kindness to the dead, but as a reminder to the living: life can, and must, continue.

How to Say the Kaddish 

The Mourner’s Kaddish is an almost 2,000-year-old prayer traditionally recited in memory of the dead. Find the words, the translation, the transliteration, and more.

Again, we are so sorry for your loss. We hope the series of emails you'll receive over the next few weeks help you find some consolation and support in this difficult time. 

Do you know someone else who might find this email series helpful? Encourage them to sign up here.

Yitgadal v'yitkadash…

The opening of the Mourner’s Kaddish, the Jewish memorial prayer, is one the most famous and emotionally resonant phrases of Jewish liturgy.

Today we’ll take a deeper look at this prayer.

Did you know that the Kaddish was written in Aramaic, not Hebrew? Aramaic was the most commonly spoken language at the time the Kaddish was established, and rabbis of the period wanted mourners to be able to understand what they were saying.

Exploring Kaddish

You may be surprised to discover that the Kaddish prayer never addresses the topic of death. Many people view the prayer as offering praise to God, but Rabbi Elie Kaunfer says it is about much more: "There are two main phrases that are key to understanding the Kaddish. By looking at them closely, we can transform our understanding of the prayer."

You can find the most important things to know about Kaddish — why it’s said, when it’s said, whom one says it for and more — in this article.

You can read the full text in Aramaic, transliteration and English translation — along with a video and an audio recording so you can practice saying it — here.

Look out for our next email, which provides advice and resources for finding the support you need in this difficult time.

Do you know someone else who might find this email series helpful? Encourage them to sign up here.

The loss of a loved one can be an incredibly painful and isolating experience. It is normal to feel loneliness, guilt, fear, irritability and many other conflicting emotions.

That’s why it is so important to take care of yourself during this period and to reach out to others who can help and offer you support.

How to Find Support After Loss

1.

Reach out to friends and family for help.

Don’t be afraid to let people know you need help — or that you just need someone to keep you company.

2.

Make specific requests for help.

Sometimes friends don't know the best way to support you. If you need someone to make you dinner or pick up a prescription, for example, tell them that.

3.

Find a grief support group.

Many synagogues and Jewish communities have grief support groups. You don't have to be a member of a synagogue to attend these groups.

4.

Reach out locally.

Try reaching out to a local rabbi or community leader if you need help finding a local support group or grief counselor. 

5.

Take time for yourself.

Whether or not you've had people paying condolence visits during this time, it's OK to spend time on your own. Listen to yourself and your own needs. 

Finding Healing Through Community

Jewish tradition calls for 10 people, or a minyan, to be present in order for a mourner to say Kaddish. For one Jewish couple, creating their own Kaddish minyan group allowed them to experience the Jewish community in a new way. It was "incredibly healing for us during a year when we were in desperate need of healing," writes Daniela Gerson. Find out how they did it, and how you can create your own supportive Kaddish minyan at home.

Get Your Questions Answered

An online grief support group can introduce you to others going through similar experiences, and help you find answers from people who have been in your shoes before. Explore My Jewish Learning's private Jewish Discussions About Grief & Mourning group on Facebook. 

In the next email, you'll learn what happens during sheloshim, the first 30 days after a loved one is buried.

Do you know someone else who might find this email series helpful? Encourage them to sign up here.

The post-shiva days of sheloshim, the 30 days after burial, serve as a kind of transition, when a mourner returns to work but is still not completely back in the world. Below, Rabbi Scott Perlo explores this transition time.

Sheloshim: The Bridge to a New Normal
by Rabbi Scott Perlo

Shiva, Judaism’s best-known mourning ritual, is a beautiful fiction: Mourners are permitted to feel as if life has stopped, and that they can stop with it. People hear less about sheloshim, the 30 days after burial.

Both exist to slow down reality for a mourner. But it is sheloshim that allows the mourner time to become the new person he or she will have to be in the face of loss. Sheloshim is the bridge between the speechlessness of mourning and the babble of normal life.

But why is this period 30 days?

Rabbi Chaim Shreiber has explained why this time frame matters: “The Jewish calendar is based on the moon. Just as the moon waxes and wanes in a cyclical period, the 30 days of mourning are an opportunity for the closing of a full emotional circle. The process begins with the funeral and the first days of shiva, when one can’t even see a glimmer of light. With the passing of time, the light returns in stages, and waxes more and more. Thirty days is an important period of time, a time for renewal and grasping a new reality.”

It isn’t that we stop mourning after the sheloshim has passed. Rather, the end of sheloshim marks the beginning of living a new normal for the mourner.

Continue reading Rabbi Perlo's explanation of sheloshim.

There are other important customs later in the year, such as the unveiling of the tombstone and the yahrzeit, the Hebrew anniversary of your loved one’s death.

Some people mark the end of sheloshim with a special minyan (prayer service) at which the mourner or family members speak about the deceased.

In the next email, you'll discover more words of comfort and consolation.

Do you know someone else who might find this email series helpful? Encourage them to sign up here.

Judaism's Most Comforting Words
by Rabbi Kerry Olitsky 

The rabbis teach us that Torah should be a healing balm. In Jewish sacred literature, we find comfort and inspiration, especially when we need it most, in the emotional and spiritual wreckage that follows the death of someone we love.

For some, English words suffice. Others long for the comfort they feel only lives in the Hebrew language. Still others feel that the words — regardless of language — are chosen for their aural quality, allowing us to enter a meta-rational world of reflection, introspection and prayer. There are many psalms, prayers and readings that those who are grieving may find particularly comforting.

Here are some quotes from Jewish sources and leaders that you might find helpful and meaningful:

"We can endure much more than we think we can; all human experience testifies to that. All we need to do is learn not to be afraid of pain. Grit your teeth and let it hurt. Don't deny it, don't be overwhelmed by it. It will not last forever. One day, the pain will be gone and you will still be there."

— Rabbi Harold S. Kushner, When All You've Ever Wanted Isn't Enough: The Search For a Life That Matters

“There is no magic answer to loss. Nothing, not even time, will make the pain completely disappear. But loss is transformative if it is met with faith. Faith is our chance to make sense of loss, to cope with the stone that rolls around in the hollow of our stomachs when something we loved, something we thought was forever, is suddenly gone.”

— Rabbi David Wolpe, Making Loss Matter

"I will build an altar from the broken fragments of my heart."

— Rabbi Yehuda HaChasid, a Polish rabbi who, with a group of followers, moved to Jerusalem in 1700.

In the next email, you'll explore Jewish beliefs about what happens after death, and other big questions.

Do you know someone else who might find this email series helpful? Encourage them to sign up here.

There’s nothing like facing a loved one’s death to force you to confront life’s big questions.

Jews have been grappling with these issues for thousands of years. Jewish tradition doesn't offer quick and easy answers, but we can offer some insights about how key Jewish thinkers have addressed these questions.

How do I go on after a loved one’s death?
Judaism recommends a balance, writes Alissa Thomas-Newborn. Initially, we remove ourselves from societal norms so we can be present with our loss — recognizing that life is forever altered. But after a year of removing oneself from normalcy to honor a parent (or after a month to honor another close relative), Jewish law propels us to move forward. Because in us, our lost loved ones live on.

What happens after we die?
Judaism is famously ambiguous about this matter. There are only a few mentions of what happens after death in the Bible, and later Jewish sources don't agree on big concepts like the immortality of the soul, the "World to Come" and the resurrection of the dead.

Why do bad things happen to good people?
If God is so powerful, why doesn't God prevent misfortune? The question of suffering and evil is unique among theological and philosophical problems, because it confronts us almost daily and because Jewish history is replete with individual and communal tragedy. Jewish thinkers have always been bothered by the existence of suffering and evil, but in modern times, as a result of the Holocaust, it has taken on a central role in the thought of almost all contemporary Jewish theologians.

• Saying yizkor, a special memorial service recited three times a year for remembering and honoring loved ones. Discover the deeper meaning behind yizkor here.
  
  
• Observing your loved one’s yahrzeit, the Hebrew anniversary of their death, each year. 
  
  
• Visiting your loved one’s grave and placing a stone on it. Learn the reasons Jews leave stones on graves here.

Did these emails help?

We hope this series has helped guide you through Jewish mourning rituals and offered some comfort during a difficult time. Please help us help others in similar situations by answering a few short questions.

Find more support

Our Jewish Discussions About Grief & Mourning group on Facebook is your safe space to learn more about Jewish approaches to mourning, find friends going through similar experiences and ask your questions. Join the group to get started.

To continue discovering other aspects of Jewish tradition and culture, join the My Jewish Learning newsletter by clicking on the button below.

We are so sorry for your loss.

Mourning is never easy. Generations of people have found comfort in Judaism's many rituals and traditions for coping with loss.

Over the next few days and weeks, we’ll help guide you through these customs, sharing with you what happens before and at a Jewish funeral, how to sit shiva — the seven days of mourning — and what prayers are traditionally said for loved ones. You can also explore how Judaism has grappled with big issues, like why bad things happen to good people and what happens to us after we die.

Thank you for inviting us to join you on this important journey. If you have questions along the way, feel free to ask them in our discussion group on Facebook.

As we traditionally say, “Ha’makom yenahem etkhem betokh she’ar avelei Tziyon vi’Yerushalayim,”  which is Hebrew for, “May God console you together with everyone who mourns for Zion and Jerusalem.”

A Timeline of Mourning

Learn the important dates in the journey through the first year of mourning. 

Jewish tradition defines several stages in the process of mourning.

• Day 1: Funeral
• Day 7: Last day of shiva
• Day 30: Last day of 30-day mourning period

A Rite of Passage Immediately After a Death 

The time between death and burial is an important transition. Jews bury their dead quickly not just as a kindness to the dead, but as a reminder to the living: life can, and must, continue.

How to Say the Kaddish 

The Mourner’s Kaddish is an almost 2,000-year-old prayer traditionally recited in memory of the dead. Find the words, the translation, the transliteration, and more.

Again, we are so sorry for your loss. We hope the series of emails you'll receive over the next few weeks help you find some consolation and support in this difficult time. 

Do you know someone else who might find this email series helpful? Encourage them to sign up here.

You’ve recently become a member of a club that no one wants to join: those who have lost a loved one. We’re here to help you remember that you are not alone. In fact, Judaism has a wealth of traditions developed to help people get through this time. 

One of those traditions is shiva, the seven-day mourning period after the funeral.

Six Questions About Shiva

1.
What is shiva?

Shiva is a period of mourning that generally lasts seven days, starting when mourners return home from a funeral. During shiva, a mourner traditionally stays at home or at the home of the deceased, wears torn clothing or a torn black ribbon pinned to one’s clothes and doesn’t go to work or school.

2.
When should I sit shiva and for whom?

Shiva begins immediately after the funeral. Traditionally, a mourner sits shiva for a parent, sibling, child or spouse.

3.
How long does shiva last?

Shiva is the Hebrew word for “seven,” and shiva traditionally lasts seven days. Some families sit shiva for shorter periods of time, however. For certain Jewish holidays or Shabbat, there are restrictions on sitting shiva. 

4.
What should I do during shiva?

If you're a mourner, it's traditional to recite the Mourner's Kaddish at prayer services conducted three times a day during shiva. Mourners sit on low seats and receive guests, talk about their loved ones who have died, keep a yahrtzeit candle burning and refrain from certain activities like wearing leather, shaving or looking in a mirror. If you're a friend or family member, it's helpful to visit mourners during shiva and provide food and comfort.

5.
What do I say to a mourner?

During shiva, the mourner gets to decide whether or not to initiate conversation. As Rabbi Sari Laufer writes, "The rules and traditions of Jewish mourning tell us that we — the comforters — do not get to set the mode and the tone. It is the bereaved who can tell you if and what he needs to share, or when she wants to cry or laugh."

6.
How does shiva end?

The traditional end of shiva occurs on the seventh day of mourning. One common end-of-shiva practice today is for the mourner literally to “get up from shiva.” The mourners rise from the low seats they've been sitting on and go for a walk, or for an easy outing.

At the end of shiva, mourners who have not been wearing leather shoes now put on regular shoes, remove the torn clothing or torn cloth worn during shiva and re-engage with the world outside their home.

7.
What happens after shiva?

The next phase of mourning is called sheloshim (pronounced shlo-SHEEM), Hebrew for thirty, and it ends thirty days after burial. Sheloshim is less restrictive than shiva. Mourners can go out, work and perform other everyday activities. 

Whether you're sitting shiva or doing your best to support a friend in mourning, experiencing shiva traditions can help you feel comforted and part of a community during a difficult time.

Look out for our next email, where we’ll explore the Mourner’s Kaddish in greater detail.

Do you know someone else who might find this email series helpful? Encourage them to sign up here.

Yitgadal v'yitkadash…

The opening of the Mourner’s Kaddish, the Jewish memorial prayer, is one the most famous and emotionally resonant phrases of Jewish liturgy.

Today we’ll take a deeper look at this prayer.

Did you know that the Kaddish was written in Aramaic, not Hebrew? Aramaic was the most commonly spoken language at the time the Kaddish was established, and rabbis of the period wanted mourners to be able to understand what they were saying.

Exploring Kaddish

You may be surprised to discover that the Kaddish prayer never addresses the topic of death. Many people view the prayer as offering praise to God, but Rabbi Elie Kaunfer says it is about much more: "There are two main phrases that are key to understanding the Kaddish. By looking at them closely, we can transform our understanding of the prayer."

You can find the most important things to know about Kaddish — why it’s said, when it’s said, whom one says it for and more — in this article.

You can read the full text in Aramaic, transliteration and English translation — along with a video and an audio recording so you can practice saying it — here.

Look out for our next email, which provides advice and resources for finding the support you need in this difficult time.

Do you know someone else who might find this email series helpful? Encourage them to sign up here.

The loss of a loved one can be an incredibly painful and isolating experience. It is normal to feel loneliness, guilt, fear, irritability and many other conflicting emotions.

That’s why it is so important to take care of yourself during this period and to reach out to others who can help and offer you support.

How to Find Support After Loss

1.

Reach out to friends and family for help.

Don’t be afraid to let people know you need help — or that you just need someone to keep you company.

2.

Make specific requests for help.

Sometimes friends don't know the best way to support you. If you need someone to make you dinner or pick up a prescription, for example, tell them that.

3.

Find a grief support group.

Many synagogues and Jewish communities have grief support groups. You don't have to be a member of a synagogue to attend these groups.

4.

Reach out locally.

Try reaching out to a local rabbi or community leader if you need help finding a local support group or grief counselor. 

5.

Take time for yourself.

Whether or not you've had people paying condolence visits during this time, it's OK to spend time on your own. Listen to yourself and your own needs. 

Finding Healing Through Community

Jewish tradition calls for 10 people, or a minyan, to be present in order for a mourner to say Kaddish. For one Jewish couple, creating their own Kaddish minyan group allowed them to experience the Jewish community in a new way. It was "incredibly healing for us during a year when we were in desperate need of healing," writes Daniela Gerson. Find out how they did it, and how you can create your own supportive Kaddish minyan at home.

Get Your Questions Answered

An online grief support group can introduce you to others going through similar experiences, and help you find answers from people who have been in your shoes before. Explore My Jewish Learning's private Jewish Discussions About Grief & Mourning group on Facebook. 

In the next email, you'll learn what happens during sheloshim, the first 30 days after a loved one is buried.

Do you know someone else who might find this email series helpful? Encourage them to sign up here.

The post-shiva days of sheloshim, the 30 days after burial, serve as a kind of transition, when a mourner returns to work but is still not completely back in the world. Below, Rabbi Scott Perlo explores this transition time.

Sheloshim: The Bridge to a New Normal
by Rabbi Scott Perlo

Shiva, Judaism’s best-known mourning ritual, is a beautiful fiction: Mourners are permitted to feel as if life has stopped, and that they can stop with it. People hear less about sheloshim, the 30 days after burial.

Both exist to slow down reality for a mourner. But it is sheloshim that allows the mourner time to become the new person he or she will have to be in the face of loss. Sheloshim is the bridge between the speechlessness of mourning and the babble of normal life.

But why is this period 30 days?

Rabbi Chaim Shreiber has explained why this time frame matters: “The Jewish calendar is based on the moon. Just as the moon waxes and wanes in a cyclical period, the 30 days of mourning are an opportunity for the closing of a full emotional circle. The process begins with the funeral and the first days of shiva, when one can’t even see a glimmer of light. With the passing of time, the light returns in stages, and waxes more and more. Thirty days is an important period of time, a time for renewal and grasping a new reality.”

It isn’t that we stop mourning after the sheloshim has passed. Rather, the end of sheloshim marks the beginning of living a new normal for the mourner.

Continue reading Rabbi Perlo's explanation of sheloshim.

There are other important customs later in the year, such as the unveiling of the tombstone and the yahrzeit, the Hebrew anniversary of your loved one’s death.

Some people mark the end of sheloshim with a special minyan (prayer service) at which the mourner or family members speak about the deceased.

In the next email, you'll discover more words of comfort and consolation.

Do you know someone else who might find this email series helpful? Encourage them to sign up here.

Judaism's Most Comforting Words
by Rabbi Kerry Olitsky 

The rabbis teach us that Torah should be a healing balm. In Jewish sacred literature, we find comfort and inspiration, especially when we need it most, in the emotional and spiritual wreckage that follows the death of someone we love.

For some, English words suffice. Others long for the comfort they feel only lives in the Hebrew language. Still others feel that the words — regardless of language — are chosen for their aural quality, allowing us to enter a meta-rational world of reflection, introspection and prayer. There are many psalms, prayers and readings that those who are grieving may find particularly comforting.

Here are some quotes from Jewish sources and leaders that you might find helpful and meaningful:

"We can endure much more than we think we can; all human experience testifies to that. All we need to do is learn not to be afraid of pain. Grit your teeth and let it hurt. Don't deny it, don't be overwhelmed by it. It will not last forever. One day, the pain will be gone and you will still be there."

— Rabbi Harold S. Kushner, When All You've Ever Wanted Isn't Enough: The Search For a Life That Matters

“There is no magic answer to loss. Nothing, not even time, will make the pain completely disappear. But loss is transformative if it is met with faith. Faith is our chance to make sense of loss, to cope with the stone that rolls around in the hollow of our stomachs when something we loved, something we thought was forever, is suddenly gone.”

— Rabbi David Wolpe, Making Loss Matter

"I will build an altar from the broken fragments of my heart."

— Rabbi Yehuda HaChasid, a Polish rabbi who, with a group of followers, moved to Jerusalem in 1700.

In the next email, you'll explore Jewish beliefs about what happens after death, and other big questions.

Do you know someone else who might find this email series helpful? Encourage them to sign up here.

There’s nothing like facing a loved one’s death to force you to confront life’s big questions.

Jews have been grappling with these issues for thousands of years. Jewish tradition doesn't offer quick and easy answers, but we can offer some insights about how key Jewish thinkers have addressed these questions.

How do I go on after a loved one’s death?
Judaism recommends a balance, writes Alissa Thomas-Newborn. Initially, we remove ourselves from societal norms so we can be present with our loss — recognizing that life is forever altered. But after a year of removing oneself from normalcy to honor a parent (or after a month to honor another close relative), Jewish law propels us to move forward. Because in us, our lost loved ones live on.

What happens after we die?
Judaism is famously ambiguous about this matter. There are only a few mentions of what happens after death in the Bible, and later Jewish sources don't agree on big concepts like the immortality of the soul, the "World to Come" and the resurrection of the dead.

Why do bad things happen to good people?
If God is so powerful, why doesn't God prevent misfortune? The question of suffering and evil is unique among theological and philosophical problems, because it confronts us almost daily and because Jewish history is replete with individual and communal tragedy. Jewish thinkers have always been bothered by the existence of suffering and evil, but in modern times, as a result of the Holocaust, it has taken on a central role in the thought of almost all contemporary Jewish theologians.

• Saying yizkor, a special memorial service recited three times a year for remembering and honoring loved ones. Discover the deeper meaning behind yizkor here.
  
  
• Observing your loved one’s yahrzeit, the Hebrew anniversary of their death, each year. 
  
  
• Visiting your loved one’s grave and placing a stone on it. Learn the reasons Jews leave stones on graves here.

Did these emails help?

We hope this series has helped guide you through Jewish mourning rituals and offered some comfort during a difficult time. Please help us help others in similar situations by answering a few short questions.

Find more support

Our Jewish Discussions About Grief & Mourning group on Facebook is your safe space to learn more about Jewish approaches to mourning, find friends going through similar experiences and ask your questions. Join the group to get started.

To continue discovering other aspects of Jewish tradition and culture, join the My Jewish Learning newsletter by clicking on the button below.

Judaism''s Most Comforting Words
by Rabbi Kerry Olitsky?

The rabbis teach us that Torah should be a healing balm. In Jewish sacred literature, we find comfort and inspiration, especially when we need it most, in the emotional and spiritual wreckage that follows the death of someone we love.

For some, English words suffice. Others long for the comfort they feel only lives in the Hebrew language. Still others feel that the words - regardless of language - are chosen for their aural quality, allowing us to enter a meta-rational world of reflection, introspection and prayer. There are many psalms, prayers and readings that those who are grieving may find particularly comforting.

Here are some quotes from Jewish sources and leaders that you might find helpful and meaningful:

"We can endure much more than we think we can; all human experience testifies to that. All we need to do is learn not to be afraid of pain. Grit your teeth and let it hurt. Don''t deny it, don''t be overwhelmed by it. It will not last forever. One day, the pain will be gone and you will still be there."

-?Rabbi Harold S. Kushner, When All You''ve Ever Wanted Isn''t Enough: The Search For a Life That Matters

"There is no magic answer to loss. Nothing, not even time, will make the pain completely disappear. But loss is transformative if it is met with faith. Faith is our chance to make sense of loss, to cope with the stone that rolls around in the hollow of our stomachs when something we loved, something we thought was forever, is suddenly gone."

-?Rabbi David Wolpe,?Making Loss Matter

"I will build an altar from the broken fragments of my heart."

-?Rabbi Yehuda HaChasid, a Polish rabbi who, with a group of followers, moved to Jerusalem in 1700.

In the next email, you''ll explore Jewish beliefs about what happens after death, and other big questions.

Do you know someone else who might find this email series helpful? Encourage them to sign up here.

• Saying yizkor, a special memorial service recited three times a year for remembering and honoring loved ones. Discover the deeper meaning behind yizkor here.
  
  
• Observing your loved one's yahrzeit, the Hebrew anniversary of their death, each year.?
  
  
• Visiting your loved one's grave and placing a stone on it. Learn the reasons Jews leave stones on graves here.

Did these emails help?

We hope this series has helped guide you through Jewish mourning rituals and offered some comfort during a difficult time. Please help us help others in similar situations by answering a few short questions.

Find more support

Our Jewish Discussions About Grief & Mourning group on Facebook is your safe space to learn more about Jewish approaches to mourning, find friends going through similar experiences and ask your questions. Join the group to get started.

To continue discovering other aspects of Jewish tradition and culture, join the My Jewish Learning newsletter by clicking on the button below.

Yitgadal v''yitkadash.

The opening of the Mourner's Kaddish, the Jewish memorial prayer, is one the most famous and emotionally resonant phrases of Jewish liturgy.

?

Today we'll take a deeper look at this prayer.

?

Did you know that the Kaddish was written in Aramaic, not Hebrew? Aramaic was the most commonly spoken language at the time the Kaddish was established, and rabbis of the period wanted mourners to be able to understand what they were saying.

Exploring Kaddish

You may be surprised to discover that the Kaddish prayer never addresses the topic of death. Many people view the prayer as offering praise to God, but Rabbi Elie Kaunfer says it is about much more: "There are two main phrases that are key to understanding the Kaddish. By looking at them closely, we can transform our understanding of the prayer."

You can find the most important things to know about Kaddish - why it's said, when it's said, whom one says it for and more - in this article.

You can read the full text in Aramaic, transliteration and English translation - along with a video and an audio recording so you can practice saying it - here.

Look out for our next email, which provides advice and resources for finding the support you need in this difficult time.

Do you know someone else who might find this email series helpful? Encourage them to sign up here.

The post-shiva days of sheloshim, the 30 days after burial, serve as a kind of transition, when a mourner returns to work but is still not completely back in the world. Below, Rabbi Scott Perlo explores this transition time.

Sheloshim: The Bridge to a New Normal
by Rabbi Scott Perlo

Shiva, Judaism's best-known mourning ritual, is a beautiful fiction: Mourners are permitted to feel as if life has stopped, and that they can stop with it. People hear less about sheloshim, the 30 days after burial.

Both exist to slow down reality for a mourner. But it is sheloshim that allows the mourner time to become the new person he or she will have to be in the face of loss. Sheloshim is the bridge between the speechlessness of mourning and the babble of normal life.

But why is this period 30 days?

Rabbi Chaim Shreiber has explained why this time frame matters: "The Jewish calendar is based on the moon. Just as the moon waxes and wanes in a cyclical period, the 30 days of mourning are an opportunity for the closing of a full emotional circle. The process begins with the funeral and the first days of shiva, when one can't even see a glimmer of light. With the passing of time, the light returns in stages, and waxes more and more. Thirty days is an important period of time, a time for renewal and grasping a new reality."

It isn't that we stop mourning after the sheloshim has passed. Rather, the end of sheloshim marks the beginning of living a new normal for the mourner.

Continue reading Rabbi Perlo''s explanation of sheloshim.

There are other important customs later in the year, such as the unveiling of the tombstone and the yahrzeit, the Hebrew anniversary of your loved one's death.

Some people mark the end of sheloshim with a special minyan (prayer service) at which the mourner or family members speak about the deceased.

In the next email, you''ll discover more words of comfort and consolation.

Do you know someone else who might find this email series helpful? Encourage them to sign up here.

We are so sorry for your loss.

Mourning is never easy. Generations of people have found comfort in Judaism''s many rituals and traditions for coping with loss.

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Over the next few days and weeks, we'll help guide you through these customs, sharing with you what happens before and at a Jewish funeral, how to sit shiva?- the seven days of mourning - and what prayers?are traditionally said for loved ones. You can also explore how Judaism has grappled with big issues, like why bad things happen to good people and what happens to us after we die.

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Thank you for inviting us to join you on this important journey. If you have questions along the way, feel free to ask them in our discussion group on Facebook.

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As we traditionally say, "Ha'makom yenahem etkhem betokh she'ar avelei Tziyon vi'Yerushalayim,"??which is Hebrew for, "May God console you together with everyone who mourns for Zion and Jerusalem."

A Timeline of Mourning

Learn the important dates in the journey through the first year of mourning.?

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Jewish tradition defines several stages in the process of mourning.

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• Day 1: Funeral
• Day 7: Last day of shiva
• Day 30: Last day of 30-day mourning period

A Rite of Passage Immediately After a Death?

The time between death and burial is an important transition. Jews bury their dead quickly not just as a kindness to the dead, but as a reminder to the living: life can, and must, continue.

How to Say the Kaddish?

The Mourner's Kaddish is an almost 2,000-year-old prayer traditionally recited in memory of the dead. Find the words, the translation, the transliteration, and more.

Again, we are so sorry for your loss. We hope the series of emails you''ll receive over the next few weeks help you find some consolation and support in this difficult time.?

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Do you know someone else who might find this email series helpful? Encourage them to sign up here.

The loss of a loved one can be an incredibly painful and isolating experience. It is normal to feel loneliness, guilt, fear, irritability and many other conflicting emotions.

That's why it is so important to take care of yourself during this period and to reach out to others who can help and offer you support.

How to Find Support After Loss

1.

Reach out to friends and family for help.

Don't be afraid to let people know you need help - or that you just need someone to keep you company.

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2.

Make specific requests for help.

Sometimes friends don''t know the best way to support you. If you need someone to make you dinner or pick up a prescription, for example, tell them that.

3.

Find a grief support group.

Many synagogues and Jewish communities have grief support groups. You don''t have to be a member of a synagogue to attend these groups.

4.

Reach out locally.

Try reaching out to a local rabbi or community leader if you need help finding a local support group or grief counselor.?

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5.

Take time for yourself.

Whether or not you''ve had people paying condolence visits during this time, it''s OK to spend time on your own. Listen to yourself and your own needs.?

Finding Healing Through Community

Jewish tradition calls for 10 people, or a minyan, to be present in order for a mourner to say Kaddish. For one Jewish couple, creating their own Kaddish minyan group?allowed them to experience the Jewish community in a new way. It was "incredibly healing for us during a year when we were in desperate need of healing," writes Daniela Gerson. Find out how they did it, and how you can create your own supportive Kaddish minyan at home.

Get Your Questions Answered

An online grief support group can introduce you to others going through similar experiences, and help you find answers from people who have been in your shoes before. Explore My Jewish Learning''s?private?Jewish Discussions About Grief & Mourning group on Facebook.?

In the next email, you''ll learn what happens during sheloshim, the first 30 days after a loved one is buried.

Do you know someone else who might find this email series helpful? Encourage them to sign up here.