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You''d go a long way to find someone who was finding 2020 a breeze. The spring lockdown might have found quite a few of us enjoying the novelty of extra free time without commuting, or the chance to spend more time with family members, and we all loved the incredibly verdant spring and early summer in the UK. But those days feel long gone now.

Winter is coming with more than its usual power to depress. Our agony aunt Charlotte Weber Fox (below) is getting many letters from people who are struggling with lockdown and Covid restrictions in general. And in her weekly column in The Times, psychologist Professor Tanya Byron picked out a letter from someone in real pain. Her partner was living in a foreign country, her mother had died unexpectedly, her father had a stroke, and her beloved career as a performer largely evaporated. She was trying to "cope with Covid" but felt increasingly sleepless and anxious, fretting that her life was out of control, and that even worse might befall her.

In a long, well-argued reply Professor Byron pointed out that loss cannot be simply swept away, or overcome by exercise, volunteering or self-care;  as she writes in her column "you are in a psychological brace position for the next challenging life event". Professor Byron advised that regular mental health support - seeing a therapist - is what is called for when we start to struggle, and not once it''s already too late. We were particularly delighted that in amongst the NHS services, she cited welldoing.org as the place to find a verified therapist to help. 

We haven''t all lost close family members, and many of us are working as hard as ever, but loss is here for us all. Life isn''t the same and we are grieving what we miss; well-trained, empathetic professionals can help us adjust to this, and you can search for the therapist best suited to your needs here. Welldoing.org has more than 1100 therapists and counsellors. Working online (for now, anyway), they are professionals who are trained and experienced in helping individuals cope with downturns and mental stress, however it affects you.

And if you can''t decide who is right for you, there is the Personalised Matching Service, where for a small fee we do the finding for you. Speaking to one of our therapists,  she told me "I refer people to the Personalised Matching Service regularly, both friends as well as those contacting me whom I can't accommodate. Referral to the service seems particularly well received by those who have a specific budget, or need evening appointments only."

We want to help you get through this difficult time; do get in touch if there is anything you think we ought to be doing or writing about.

Best wishes from all the team at welldoing.org,
Louise

Welcome to today''s newsletter with a special focus on relationships. It''s clear to us that while the Covid-19 crisis is responsible for all sorts of anxiety about health, income and the future of our society, it also - for some - shines a bright and not altogether romantic light on the state of people''s relationships. 

Sex, communication styles, parenting responsibilities, domestic duties, lifestyle choices, personal hygiene: everything about sharing your living space without any respite for week after week is heightened in the age of coronavirus. We''ve gathered great intelligence and advice from a range of our therapists with all kinds of relationships training and experience, from remembering the importance of sexual attraction to handling childcare, from the tenor of disagreements to how couples counselling can lead out of seemingly impossible deadlock. 

If you are looking for a couples counsellor, take a look at our revised questionnaire. In the area of relationships we have added issues ranging from affairs and betrayals to intimacy, divorce and family estrangement, as well as parenting and pregnancy and fertility-related issues. We pride ourselves on being the UK''s leading therapist-matching platform, and this broader range of options ensure that you can find the best therapist for your needs. 

Best wishes, stay well,
Louise and the welldoing.org team

We were not surprised to see yesterday''s BBC report with the bald headline: Depression Doubles During Coronavirus Pandemic. According to the Office for National Statistics one in five people reported depressive symptoms compared with one in ten before the pandemic. These are the results of a survey of more than 3,500 adults followed up over a 12-month period.

"People were asked to consider the previous two weeks and say how often they had experienced a range of symptoms, including changes in sleep or appetite, a loss of interest and pleasure in doing things, and difficulty concentrating. 

"Almost 20% of people met the criteria for depression, based on their responses, in June 2020 compared with just under 10% between July 2019 and March 2020."

As the Covid situation is not due to disappear any time soon, we are eager to help those affected by this huge increase among those struggling with their mental health. On the site you can find more than 2500 posts with information and advice. Sometimes they are by therapists such as this one about recognising depression symptoms but equally powerful often are posts like this from a man with a depressive illness talking about what works for him.

Of course, if anxiety and depression are overwhelming, welldoing.org has more than 1070 therapists and counsellors of all types available to see you. Take a look here to find the one who is best for you. Some therapists are now starting to see clients in consulting rooms (with health precautions of course) or doing walking therapy, but many are available online only. This does not mean the therapy is any less effective; in fact some clients and many therapists are just as happy with this form of communication.

I take heart in the fact that we are seeing a real upsurge of interest in couples counselling on welldoing.org this year. There''s an obvious reason why: couples are having to spend much more time together due to the Covid-19 restrictions. Where once there was plenty of "me-time" now every day and night is "we-time" whether they want it or not. Add to that, the stresses of childcare, possible elder-care, financial strain, health worries and you have a potentially lethal mix of relationship dangers.

According to the Citizen''s Advice Bureau, the pandemic is putting an "enormous strain" on relationships. Searches on their website for divorce guidance were up 25% in September compared with the year before. In addition to that, family lawyers Slater and Gordon predict a "post-lockdown divorce boom" as the lockdown and restrictions that followed exacerbate marriage problems.

Talking to a therapist about your couple relationship is, I believe, a great step when relationships get rocky. It''s definitely a challenge: all of your attitudes and behaviours are examined, and without absolute honesty it really isn''t worth the time (or money). Interestingly, several of the therapists I have spoken to about couples counselling during this period say that using Zoom may be more useful to the therapist as they can see close up how a couple interacts. Armed with that knowledge, a therapist can help a couple understand their problems and set out a route to a better place.

If you are considering taking such action, read this account of one couple as they go through counselling, or comedian/author Ariane Sherine on how therapy saved her marriage. Here''s is a quick way to see everything on marriage on our site, or if you are looking for a therapist yourself, go to our Find a Therapist page to search for a couples counsellor. 

Welldoing.org has more than 1100 therapists and counsellors. Working either online or in person, within the social distancing regulations, they are professionals who are trained and experienced in helping individuals cope with downturns and mental stress, however it affects you. And if you can''t decode who is right for you, there is the Personalised Matching Service, where for a small fee we do the finding for you.

We also have 1000s of posts by therapists and authors, covering a huge range of mental health and wellbeing topics, and don''t forget our YouTube channel too, with short videos about types of therapy and interviews with therapists about how they work. We want to help you get through this difficult time.

Best wishes from all the team at welldoing.org,
Louise

What does your lockdown day look like? Let me tell you about mine. It starts soon after 6am, with letting our dog out and getting the coffee going. We read the newspaper more avidly than ever, but have moved to Radio 3 for its less jarring, Covid-19-free soundtrack.

The dog walk combined with our exercise quotient takes us through half-deserted London streets, across a park and back to the house. With spring flowers and blossoming trees it can be a lovely period, but the absolute star of the routine is Joe Wicks''s daily YouTube get fit classes. Twenty minutes of HIIT (high intensity interval training), it''s meant for children, which means it''s fun and energising.

There are other elements too - meals with our teenage daughter, phone calls with friends and family - but whatever I am doing I am, on some level, conscious of looking after myself. Not just the cleanness of my hands, but the pulse of my brain and the power of my imagination. Because we are all being called to care for ourselves during this intense period of quarantine.

We have lots of great content on welldoing.org about self-care. Plus one of our therapists, Corinne Sweet is doing a talk for Random House on the subject tonight which you can access for free here.

Self-care is a great way to bring some calm into such discombobulating times, but for others the experience may be more difficult to cope with. During the period of social distancing our therapists and counsellors can see you online - using video, phone or email - so if now seems like the right time to start talking, don''t hold back, find a therapist. 

Best wishes, stay well,
Louise and welldoing.org team

Locked down in suburban London I have discovered a different neighbourhood than the one I thought I was living in. Suddenly nameless people I have passed in the street have become organisers of bread deliveries and sharers of flour supplies; there are rotas for elderly or infirm residents'' meals; on the WhatsApp group there is also lots of geeing-up and sharing of silly memes and supportive songs.

When news is filled with death rates and cautions about isolation and infection, catastrophising can take hold. But the more we reach out to others - whether they are virtually strangers, or friends and family you can no longer visit - the better we end up feeling about ourselves, and the calmer we can stay. My Zoom family Sunday lunches are a joy - though I''ve been accused of cooking as if everyone was actually turning up at the table, instead of switching on their screens.

We hope you too are doing well under the circumstances, and remember if you''re not, we have more than 1000 therapists ready to see clients online. Whatever your issue - anxiety, relationship problems, a lack of meaning in your life - sessions online (video, phone, email) with one of our verified therapists will help.

Best wishes, stay well,
Louise and the welldoing.org team

Talking to a therapist is not like spending time with a friend. There is no give-and-take and cheery banter; this is serious stuff. You need to trust this person, because you are accessing their expertise and training to help you come to some sort of resolution with yourself and the issues you have brought to them.

But just because it can be intense doesn''t mean therapy isn''t also a fascinating experience. And not just because you are beginning to understand yourself. Many therapy clients find themselves increasingly intrigued by the lives of those they are consulting. As novelist Joanna Briscoe, who has written a novel The Seduction (Bloomsbury) on the subject, wrote in a post for welldoing.org, it piques our curiosity. "All we poor clients have to go on is their consulting room d?cor, their accent, name, and, most importantly, their clothes, hair, possible make-up and glasses choices. Ah, the mine of information there. Well, not quite information but delightful guesswork opportunities."

The therapeutic alliance is the name for the relationship that is created between client and therapist, and it is widely considered to be more important than any other factor, such as therapy style or years of experience, in predicting the outcome of therapy. When we created the welldoing.org questionnaire to find the best therapist, it was exactly this we were after. Take a look if you have now decided it''s time you found someone to talk seriously to.

As always, best wishes from all the welldoing.org team,
Louise

I was feeling pretty perky as I prepared my breakfast this morning, until I caught Professor Robin Dunbar -the Oxford evolutionary psychologist - being interviewed on the Today programme about the effects of Covid on friendship. Given the fact that we have been under lockdown or something only slightly less isolating for five months now, his opinion was chilling.

"Friendships can deteriorate very quickly if you don''t invest in them - it probably only takes about three months."

I imagine there are plenty of us who haven''t seen many friends, even close ones, in a good while. It''s certainly true of me, and I miss them. I try to stay in touch - by email, phone or a very rare meet-up in a garden or outdoor space - but life seems tremendously busy, and then I''m too tired to be good for anything. 

But, claims Dunbar, you can''t leave friendships fallow for long or they''ll fizzle out. "We have to see people surprisingly often to maintain a friendship," he explained.

There is, however, some good news secreted in the paper Dunbar wrote for the Royal Society. Many of us are building new relationships with neighbours and local or virtual communities. "So when we emerge from lockdown, some of our more marginal friendships might be replaced by some of these new ones."

Wherever we find them, whether they''re the old treasured type or the newer ones we''ve just discovered, the key thing is not to ignore friendship. Like a plant, friendships need tending; silence is drought, and can seem like you don''t care. That breakfast wake-up report got me scrambling for my phone to text a few pals straight off. A wise move it seems. According to Dunbar, the biggest single factor affecting health, wellbeing, happiness is the number of high-quality friendships you have.

Wishing you and your loved ones a safe week,
Louise and the welldoing.org team